STOP MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY
I know that some of my friends, family and students would prefer if I didn’t go to Japan.
And I know they understand that it’s not like, I’m like ZOMG WANT TO LEAVE YOU. Or anything like that, but I just want to go for at least a few years, get some experience, live somewhere new… I really liked it, and I want to go back.
But sometimes, people make me feel so freaking guilty for wanting to go and it drives me nuts. Although I know a lot of them don’t mean it like that. But I’ll still be around, and keep in touch with everyone. I’m not dropping off the face of the Earth.
But at the same time, it’s flattering and nice to know that people care about you enough to want to keep you around. Last night, Whitney (one of my students who is just awesome) asked me if I knew when I was leaving. I said, no not quite yet… but I think at the end of January once exams are over, because it would be mean to leave before exams. She agreed (even though she’s not taking one). When I told her I didn’t have an exact date, she goes, “YES”, and then she said she was glad, because she doesn’t want me to go, and if I end up not going, that would be okay.
I haven’t told most of my students yet, I just talk to Whitney’s mum every now and then, and she asked about it.
Monday, Nicole’s dad asked about what I was doing, because he didn’t realize I had finished at school. So I told him (and Nicole) what my plans were. He jokingly said to her, ‘You’re chasing all your piano teachers away!’ which made me feel bad. :/ Especially because when Katie (her former teacher) left, they requested me.
Katey says I can’t leave, because she doesn’t want any other piano teachers to abandon her (Katie used to teach her, and she left). She also wants a new camera so she can put more videos on YouTube… I don’t know if the world is quite ready for that, haha. She likes to make up songs (with the most bizarre lyrics ever) but she made up this one, and it honestly sounds like the theme song for some sort of cartoon, or kid’s show. I told her she should write it down or at least record it… it’s really good. (The lyrics are questionable, but the music part is really good). She was surprised when I told her that, I think, and didn’t believe me… but I was being 100% serious, haha.
The rest don’t know, because I don’t see the point in bringing it up yet. I don’t have any solid date set, so why bother saying anything and just have that kind of looming there, you know?
It makes me feel really guilty. I absolutely adore all my students, they’re all great kids. Even if some of them don’t always practice, haha. I get along with them all, and we have fun. There’s not one half hour where I think, damn… I wish I wasn’t teaching you today, haha. Which I know sounds mean, but there is the odd student that just makes it so awkward. (There’s this one girl that I’ve taught missed lessons to, who doesn’t smile, talk or anything… e_e most awkward lesson EVER).
I keep wondering if I could continue teaching piano when I go… but I’m not sure. I’m working on all the vocabulary now, so at least I know what I’m talking about, haha.
That’s all. I guess I just needed to say that. I get too attached, too quickly I think… and I’ll definitely miss all of them. I’ll even miss talking to some of the mum’s in the waiting room.
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