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Need a break.

// November 14th, 2008 // No Comments » // Blog

I hate the feeling that if I don’t do it, it won’t get done.

Even worse, is that I know it’s true.

Because it’s been proven time and time again.

I need a break too sometimes.

And I’d love just to leave it alone, and say fuck it. But I can’t. Because we’ve worked too hard to let it come to that. I know no one’s making me do this, but why put all this work into it and let it all go over a few down days where you just feel like relaxing? Which is the exact reason why day after day, you see things done. Despite the fact that on many days, there are other things I would prefer to spend my time on. A few things have already slipped, because quite frankly I can’t continue to do everything I do all on my own. And even if I do ask for help, so few people respond that we never go anywhere. Or it’s a half-assed response that doesn’t actually help alleviate the situation.

Despite what may be popular belief, I do do a lot of other things. I’m tired too. I have other things too.

I’m not the kind of person who’s going to bother someone and ask them to do something they’re so obviously not interested in helping with.

So here I am, stuck again. It’s a great feeling.

Especially when everyone else seems to be okay with taking weeks or months off. I wish I felt okay with doing that.

Sometimes I think maybe we should just drop it. Part of me feels like it’s totally worth it, and the other part tells me I’m lying to myself.

If you feel like it’s necessary to roll your eyes at this, go for it. But you know how eventually, you reach that breaking point of frustration and you just need to vent? I reached that point about a week ago. I’m finally venting.

So tired.

// November 14th, 2008 // No Comments » // Blog

Today started off pretty great. I forgot to set my alarm, but I woke up just a few minutes before 8:00 (perfect timing) and was ready and out the door by 8:35, so I could stop by Timmies on my way to work. Picked up a tea and a breakfast sandwich, and headed to the office.

I was actually on time, and since I managed to get a lot done yesterday, my goal was to finish up as much as I could today.

So I got started on that. Timmies now has their winter cups out, which are really cute so that was an added bonus. Then I had a really good lunch (pita with spinach and artichoke dip), listened to some music and some Eddie Izzard.

Now, I feel like totally crashing. I think I might have fallen asleep on the desk but I don’t know if it was just for about 30 seconds, or like ten minutes. O_O I have no idea why I’m suddenly so exhausted… but it’s really hard to concentrate on doing actual work.

Only an hour and forty-five minutes left…

Valenth

// November 14th, 2008 // No Comments » // Blog

Thank you to everyone who’s been feeding Micaiah and Sothe!! Micaiah finally grew out of her test tube thing and into a totally adorable dragon. Sothe is almost there too (and, it actually worked out perfectly because Micaiah is like, way way way older than Sothe is).

I also adopted two more; Ike (the blue one) and Haar (the green and black one). So, if you have the time to feed them it would be much appreciated! You can still feed Micaiah too, because she has more growing up to do!

I think the thing I like most about the Valenth creatures, is that they don’t die. With Dragcave, if they don’t get enough clicks they die which in truth is kind of depressing. But for Valenth, they still live. And! They way they grow up is influenced by what you feed them. Which is pretty cool.

But I’m really happy Micaiah ended up being so adorable. I’ll be sad if Sothe is ugly… he has to be cute too so they fit nicely together. 

. . . Yes, my FE obsession has reached new levels of sickness.

I also plan on playing it this weekend, because I haven’t all week (shocking, I know).

Cake or death?

// November 13th, 2008 // No Comments » // Blog

Today I was sitting in the office… it’s just Nicole and me in the cubical area (Christina and Frank are in their offices) and she tells me about this really weird death. I was talking to Julie, so I passed it on and she found the article online.

I’m copying and pasting it, because it’s just… crazy. 

SAO PAULO, Brazil — Police say a woman has died on the way to a cemetery when a traffic accident hurled her husband’s coffin against the back of her neck.

Police say 67-year old Marciana Barcelos was in the front passenger seat of the hearse when the accident occurred Monday in the southern state of Rio Grande do Sul.

Barcelos died instantly.

Her 76-year-old husband Josi Coimbra died Sunday of a heart attack while dancing at a party.

The driver of hearse and Barcelos’ son suffered minor injuries.

I know it’s sad, so it’s not really appropriate to laugh… but how can you not?

Meh.

// November 12th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Blog

Last night Melinda reminded me that I hadn’t really updated my blog in a while.

And, I really haven’t. Not with anything of substance anyways.

But mostly, it’s because there’s not that much to say. Everything has fallen into the same old routine, and while I’m getting quite sick and tired of it, I know I just have to stick it out for a little while longer. I think sometimes I make it sound like I don’t appreciate the job that Jim gave me at the campground, but I do. I really, really do. I think I’d be going batshit insane if I didn’t have anything besides piano teaching.

Not that I don’t love teaching my kids, it’s just that it’s only two nights a week for four or so hours, which, really isn’t that long. Although admittedly, some nights seemmuch longer than others, haha.

I feel lately like I’m being disappointed by a lot of people. Which, really isn’t their fault because I guess I expect too much. So, maybe it’s best not to expect anything at all. Then you’ll never be disappointed and only pleasantly surprised.

Unfortunately, that’s much easier said than done.

A lot of people haven’t been around as of late, for various reasons so it’s kind of lonely sometimes. I’m sure that things will return to normal before I know it, but it’s hard not to dwell on sometimes.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I get extremely uncomfortable messaging or contacting people first. With the exception of about ten or so people, I generally refuse to do it. Despite the reasons. I hate calling places, but I’m okay if someone calls me. I have no idea where I developed this from… It kind of bothers me too, because I do wish I could be more outgoing than I am. I’m just really shy and there’s pretty much no reason or need for it.

Anyways, that’s enough of that.

Aki … drove me absolutely crazy this morning.

To the point where I honestly thought of frying her up in a pan. There’s this … thing, that has four sides, all mirrors, and a bell dangling from it. She sat there for hours just hitting it. Tap tap tap. Ding ding ding. Tap tap tap. Ding ding ding. Tap. Ding. Tap tap. Ding ding.

My god I thought I was going to lose it. So I yelled at her and she stopped for about a minute, them moved to the other toy, which is circular mirrors and continued the same thing. She woke me up at about 7:30am with this.

I was less than impressed.

Work at four today. Nicole didn’t come on Monday, so she’ll be coming today instead. That makes my night almost full, except for half an hour, which really could have been booked yesterday, so who knows. I hope everyone shows up, it makes the night go so much faster.

TIMMIES

// November 9th, 2008 // 4 Comments » // Blog

My mum just read in the newspaper that the average Canadian goes to Timmies four times a week.

Well, I’m pretty close. I usually go five times. Twice on Monday (once on the way to work one and once on the way to work two… otherwise it’s one hell of a long day and night), once on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

Then sometimes I might go an extra once or twice…

Ah, Timmies. I don’t drink coffee so I always get the same thing; a large earl grey tea with one cream and one sugar. Bag in. Haha.

Creepy.

// November 6th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Blog

Today I was running out the door to the car to go to work.

Because as you know, I always run a few minutes late regardless if I’m ready hours early, or two minutes before leaving.

So I’m running out the door to the car. And this old man is walking down the street.

Then he stops. Watches me get into the car, fix my iPod, turn on the car, wait for the girl who was in my way to finish walking buy and drive off.

Creepy old men are creepy.

For the 100th time, seriously!?

// November 5th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Blog

So you know, when you reach a point in something (and it really could be anything, a relationship, a job, a project) where you start to think, why the hell should I even bother?

Where you know that despite your most valiant efforts, you’re going to get cut down regardless of what you do. Rejected, insulted or maybe never even noticed. But whatever form it comes in, when you start to realize it’s coming you start to wonder if it’s all actually worth it in the long run.

There are a few things I’m feeling like that about right now.

Unfortunately, I’m way too emotional and I take pretty much every single thing to heart. It’s not that I mean to, but I guess that I’m just built that way (which, I hate saying). I suppose I could always try to change; grow a thicker skin and what not, but it just never seems to work out like that.

There are so many things I wish I had the guts to say to you. Mainly because I’m tired of having regrets and if I said them, I’d have no reason to regret it later and no reason to think about all the what-if’s. But in my mind the outcome has already been constructed (which, of course doesn’t make it true but it’s hard to get around) and I’m sure we all know what that outcome would be.

I just really can’t handle going through something like that again. I’m not really built for that kind of drama and stress. I don’t particularly enjoy conflict.

People need to relax and stop acting like there’s something shoved up their ass all the time. I mean seriously, how do you get off on being a complete jerk to someone for no real reason other than you can’t find anything better to do with your time. I swear this world is made up of people like my neighbour and it feels like they’re all coming out of the woodwork at once.

Protected: I don’t know.

// November 3rd, 2008 // Enter your password to view comments. // Blog

♪

// November 3rd, 2008 // No Comments » // Blog

Okay.

This is getting really irritating.

But I’ve had Jingle Bells and the Happy Days song stuck in my head all night long.

For no reason whatsoever.

Well, Jingle Bells because tomorrow (or today, in reality) marks the YAY WE’RE STARTING TO LEARN CHRISTMAS SONGS day in piano lessons. Although, I might hold out with Nicole and tell her we can’t do Christmas songs until she’s able to master the songs she’s supposed to know already.

Is that too mean?

It would only take her a good week or two of solid practice to actually catch up to where she should be with them, but it’s the ‘solid practice’ part that isn’t really working out. I know she’s busy and I know that their family does a lot, but piano doesn’t magically get easier without practice. It only gets harder and harder and harder. Until you want to smash the keys to smithereens or break your fingers because they just won’t do what you want them to.

. . . this totally went in a different direction than I had originally planned.